Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
