My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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