hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
