I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
