I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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