Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
