I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize