it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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