forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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