I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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