Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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