I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
