Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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