I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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