You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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