You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
