The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
