it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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