You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
