Cold hands, warm shart.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
