im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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