Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
