omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
