I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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