wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
