i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
