And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
