we have pet lesbian snakes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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