I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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