I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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