i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
