I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
