Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
