I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize