so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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