He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Randomize
