His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
