So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
