I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
