i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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