I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I look better un-naked...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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