We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
