I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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