Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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