I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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