I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
