He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is Oprah even human
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
