Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
