this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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