she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
