i think my mom watched the whole time
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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